Sunday, May 22, 2011

Wake Up Call

It happened
The phone call came.
Those words I heard on the other side of the phone are ones that have only haunted me in my dreams. Today, though, it was real.

My husband’s cell number came across my phone. I could hear the nervousness in his voice.
“We were in a car accident.”

Thank heaven for the quick words to follow.

”Everyone is okay.”

The interrogation for the details began. I did not give my husband a chance to answer one question before I asked another…
“What happened?”
“How is he?”
“Did he cry?”
“Is he scared?”
“Are you sure he is not hurt?”

Then, the following questions flooded my own mind and heart.
What if he did get hurt?
What if my husband (or I) was unconscious and he was not?
How would the “First Responders” know anything about my son?
How would they know he had autism?
How would they know he could not speak?
How would they know if he was hurt?
How would my son react to strangers?
How would they treat my son?
Would my son understand what was happening?
Where would they take him?
How would I find him?

Then came the conviction of negligence.

What would I ever do with myself if something happened because I did not do everything possible to help my son in a crisis like that?




Saturday, May 14, 2011

Thank You To The Women On My Journey

Over the past week,  I have been reflecting upon ALL of the women who have made an impact on my life, and today, I want to dedicate this poem to YOU...

The Women On My Journey by Rev. Melissa M. Bowers

To the women on my journey
Who showed me the ways to go and ways not to go,
Whose strength and compassion held up a torch of light
and beckoned me to follow,
Whose weakness and ignorance darkened the path and encouraged me
to turn another way.

To the women on my journey
Who showed me how to love and how not to live,
Whose grace, success and gratitude lifted me into the fullness
of surrender to God,
Whose bitterness, envy and wasted gifts warned me away
from the emptiness of self-will

To the women on my journey
Who showed me what I am and what I am not,
Whose love, encouragement and confidence held me tenderly
and nudged me gently,
Whose judgement, disappointment and lack of faith called me
to deeper levels of commitment and resolve.

To the women on my journey who taught me love
by means of both darkness and light.

To these women I say bless you and thank you from the
depths of my heart,
for I have been healed and set free
through your joy and through your sacrifice.



 

Monday, May 2, 2011

Regrets Only

When I finally give in and allow myself to take a break,
that is when it happens.

Right when I feel comfortable about my decision to leave him,
that is when it happens.

No matter how much I have been reassured,
that is when it happens.

Right when I have the peace of mind to relax,
that is when it happens.

When the laughter and contentment come,
that is when it happens.

His lack of communication leads to frustration. His frustration leads to agitation. His agitation leads to aggression: hitting, biting, throwing and crying. His violent actions ensue, and I am not there to intercede. 

When this happens,
my laughter and contentment leave,

When this happens,
my peace of mind to relax disappears,

When this happens,
my reassurance is nonexistent,

When this happens,
I feel uncomfortable to ever leave him with someone again,

When this happens,
The guilt sets in.

Thank you for your kind gesture. Please take no personal offense.
RSVP: Regret only….AGAIN.

For those who are so close to us and have had the bravery to give us respite, I say thank you and I am sorry for any repercussions~he really does love you, and so do I !